


The Return of Simon Snow

by HopeInHandfuls



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms, simon snow - Fandom
Genre: Love, M/M, Magic, POV Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow Friendship, Romance, Simon Snow - Freeform, baz - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 18:52:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19729708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeInHandfuls/pseuds/HopeInHandfuls
Summary: Simon's defeated his arch nemesis, now what?Life can be pretty boring when you feel like you're a Normal, even if your super good-looking boyfriend does happen to be a vampire, but there's only so much wallowing in self pity one can muster before it all just gets a little too much.Feeling at a loss at where to go from here now he's done what he has been tasked to do, Simon must overcome his lack of power, and find a way to bring it back whilst keeping his relationship with Baz intact. After all, it's not easy keeping your physical love life at its peak when you've got a gigantic feature that gets in the way...wings.Following on Carry On, this is the Return of Simon Snow!(Because who can just stop thinking about Baz and Simon when you've got months until Wayward Son, right?)Enjoy!





	1. Chapter One - Couch Potato

**Simon**

There’s remnants of crisps in my hair again, but it isn’t shower day until Tuesday. It’s currently Friday, so I tell myself that they’ll remain there until I can find the will power to leave the sofa, and actually do something with myself. Chances are, they’re going to be remaining there for a bloody long time.

“You actually stink, Snow. I knew your hygiene wasn’t great when we shared a room in Watford, but we’re now sharing a bed, a _bed,_ and yet you smell like a mouldy apricot that’s leaking juices because it’s been out in the sun too long” Baz grimaces through the words as he uses his left hand to theatrically waft the air as if I smell bad enough to make the plants in the window weep.

To Watford, I’m known as the Chosen One. To Baz, I’m what the Americans call a ‘couch potato.’

Nobody gets what I’m going through. I spent my entire time at Watford trying to slay the ‘Insidious’ Humdrum when I just wanted to learn a few spells, turns out I’ve been fuelling the bugger this entire time. Like, who even saw that bastard of a twist coming? Not me, that’s for sure.

I was the chosen one then, and I didn’t even want to be. Now I’m just a Normal and I’d do anything to get my powers back. To be chosen again.

So yeah, I’m sitting on the sofa, cheese and onion crisps in my hair, trying to figure out where I go from here.

Baz tells me to get a job, says that _McDonalds_ are hiring, but who really wants to go from slaying goblins to wearing a hair net and slinging burgers?

I guess you could say that the honeymoon phase is over. Done and dusted, and it’s not even as if we got much of one to begin with. Sure, when we first got together we got busy, and when I say busy, I mean, _BUSY _.__ Let’s just say that Baz is a lot more gentle than you’d imagine for a vampire, and fortunately, a lot less 'bitey' considering the fact that whilst I want _some_ form of power back, I’m totally not prepared to start sucking rats, in fact, I often use that term as a way of getting back at my not so understanding boyfriend.

“Suck a rat, Baz. Do you even know how difficult it is to shower with wings?” I ask.

I guess I’m not completely _Normal,_ normal. I mean, Gretchen across the hall from us doesn’t have wings, and she’s Normal, so we have to be pretty slick when she comes over. I have to get all Quasimodo on her and tell her my hunchback is really giving me grief that day whilst I hide under fifty thousand layers of clothing in the heat sweating my nuts off. Do you even know how difficult it is to hide gigantic wings?

Baz finds it hilarious, tells me to lose a hoody or two whilst she’s around when he knows I can’t. You tell a guy in confidence that your wings perk up when you’ve been drinking and the twatface ends up putting whiskey in your _Coca Cola._

“Simon, Simon, Simon, how many times have I told you? Wash your body in the shower, and do your wings afterwards in the sink. That way you have the space of the room to…I don’t know…flop them about and things if you need to” he responds.

I can’t even tell when he’s joking any more. I mean, one would think it would be fairly easy to tell when he’s not being serious. I’ve lived with the guy for long enough. His mouth is a thin line as always, because god forbid he not take himself completely and utterly one hundred percent seriously.

“Whilst your plan is amazing I’m sure, you’re forgetting one thing, Baz” I say, waiting for him to swoop back into the topic.

“And that is…?” he responds, leaning forward on the sofa.

“MY FUCKING WINGS WON’T FIT IN THE SHOWER!” I shout, leaning straight into his face as he presses his hands against my legs to hold me steady.

“Gentle breaths, Snow. Do you remember the breathing exercises I taught you?”

This time, I can tell when he’s joking, so I sigh into his hair and slowly prop myself onto his lap.

He totally knows that my wings don’t fit. It’s pretty obvious in the fact that the bathroom floor is always soaked after I’ve showered. I expertly position my body,, and leave the shower door open so that my wings can stay outside. Leaving the shower door open also means well…leaving a mess that I rarely clean up.

“I actually hate you useless vampires” I smirk.

“Us useless vampires hate you too, Winged Normal” he responds, kissing me lightly.

The moment lasts for a grand total of about three seconds before Baz pushes me off his lap, and onto the sofa beside him.

“No offence, Snow, but you’re not getting any more action until you wash that disgusting body of yours.”

I guess that’s a better incentive than Penny offered. She previously mentioned that if I shower and get changed into new clothes within twenty minutes, she’d take me out for tea and scones at the new place that opened just across the road, though sometimes, a hot buttered scone can be even more tempting than Baz. Only sometimes, though. Even more tempting if there are multiple scones.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I check the local job listings for the week. I know I should start pulling my weight around here. Baz picked up a modelling job without even trying, though I’m sure if I showed up to a fashion shoot in my jogging bottoms and sweatshirt with food stains all over it, I’d get thrown out of there pretty quickly.

I know I _could_ get a job, even a crappy customer service one, but it feels like the second that I do is also the second I’ve given up. I don’t want to work at _McDonalds _,__ I don’t even want _any_ Normal job as a matter of fact. It seems like all Normals do is settle for what they don’t want. I guess I’m a Normal too, so maybe I should just settle for being miserable like everyone else.

When Baz leaves the room after throwing a cushion from the sofa in my face (very aggressively I might add), I place my hands over my head and sigh into my hair that’s getting so long I might as well cut my fringe off and give it to a wig charity.

I try and not let a tear escape my eye but it falls and I hate myself for it. I’m tired of crying over being Normal. Maybe being Normal isn’t so bad…maybe being Normal was my destiny this whole time.

When Baz enters the room again, I barely even notice until something hits me straight in the face once again.

My coat.

“Get up, loser, and stop moping. We’re meeting Penny at _Starbucks”_ " he says, leaving little room for an answer other than ‘okay, sure.’

“I don’t want coffee right now, Baz” I respond, trying my luck at an answer other than the one he desires.

“I don’t care whether you buy a cup of coffee or a glass of milk and drink it out of one of those baby cups like the child you are, you’re coming” he says matter of factly.

“And why would I do that?” I ask, condescendingly.

“Because it’s about time you do something. So let’s start with numero uno. We’re getting your magic back, Snow."


	2. Chapter Two - The Shift

**Simon**

I’m sitting beside the window in _Starbucks_ whilst Penny and Baz get their drinks watching the world go by outside and wondering how everyone isn’t pulling their hair out and grinding their teeth to tiny stumps.

A world without magic is like a world without…well…meaning.

When I was going from place to place, foster home to foster home, all I could ever dream about was Watford, and how I’d be there again. Without Watford, I don’t know where I’d be. Maybe ignorance is bliss, and maybe that’s why no hair is being ripped from heads outside. They don’t know what they’re missing out on, don’t know what it’s like to cast a “ ** **Hurry up**** ” or a “ ** **Take it away!**** ”

When Baz and Penny arrive back at their seats, Baz grabs my arm that’s been nestled underneath my chin in a cogitative state, leaving my head to fall and smack into the table.

“Sorry, Snow, it’s just too easy” he observes.

“How are you two still so horrible to each other and yet so awfully in love with one another?” Penny asks, watching us both intently as if we haven’t gone over this exact same question a million times before.

Baz and I…we’re not like other couples. Sure, we kiss, we hug, we…well, you get the idea, but we also mess with each other, and by mess with each other, what I actually mean, is that he messes with me, and I simply deal with it. I guess it’s a part of him that I’ve just grown to accept over the years.

“That question is irrelevant. Onto more pressing matters, ones that involved you both forcing me off the sofa when I was half way through a __Star Wars__ marathon...you mentioned my magic…or lack thereof?” I ask.

“Yes…well we can talk about your magic, Simon, but we’re addressing your hostility to one another at some point, okay? So…what I’m about to tell you is completely and utterly confidential. I don’t want you telling your neighbour, your friends at Watford, Agatha, your goldfish, you got it?” she asks.

“We don’t have a goldfish” Baz says in a tone more sinister than required for this conversation.

“Shut up Baz and tell me you’ll accept the terms” she says with distinction.

“We agree” Baz and I say in unison.

“Wonderful, now where were we? Ah yes. Simon’s magic. It involves…the Veil" she comments.

“The Veil? Now…I’m no expert, Penny, but it wasn’t __that__ long ago that you told me the Veil only opens every twenty years and we’re getting ahead of ourselves here because it doesn’t open for…”

“Enough!” Penny says as she interrupts me. “I know when the Veil opens and when it doesn’t. Like you said, __I__ told you that after all. What if I told you now that I might have possibly found a way to re-open it?” she asks, leaning in to the both of us now as she takes a sip of her double chocolate frappuccino.

“Go on…” Baz offers.

“If I’m right, and I really have found a way…I think we might be able to do what I like to call The Shift” she replies.

“The Shift? What in gods earth does that mean?” I ask.

“It means…a transferral of power…and realistically, I suppose we could choose anyone, anyone that’s actually dead of course, to transfer their magical powers over to you, Simon. After all…it’s not as if they need them any more. You won’t be the Chosen One, Simon, but you’ll at least have __something.”__ She sits back now, seemingly proud of herself as she takes another sip of her drink.

“Is this even…allowed?” I counter.

There’s no way it is, but I don’t even know why I’m asking, I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

“Well…it’s not actually been done before…so technically it’s allowed because…because no one __expects__ anyone to ever be able to achieve such a thing. There’s no rule for it just like there isn’t a rule to spell your underpants into a giant man-eating wasp” she answers.

She’s got me there, I haven’t seen a spell on man-eating wasps, just like I haven’t seen a rule on opening the Veil prematurely. I guess it’s the best plan we have. After all, it’s the only plan we have.

Baz puts his arm around me and smiles his rare Basilton Pitch smile.

“What do you say, Snow? Wanna open a portal we shouldn’t open and let the dead in so we can steal some of their awesome zombie powers?” he grins.

“You know what? If it’s between risking our lives or working at _McDonalds_ …?”

They wait, eagerly for my answer. I pause to leave them in suspense for just a moment longer.

“Well I hope you both feel that you’ve lived long and happy lives, because we’re opening this bitch up if it kills us!” I finish.

Baz and Penny clink their stupid plastic cups together and cheer, alerting half of _Starbucks._

__

My mind goes back to the hair pulling scenario. How do Normals stay sane again? How do Normals live without all of _this?_

__

“I’m glad that you said that…because well…everything is in place. We start phase one of The Shift tonight!” Penny exclaims.

I grin so menacingly, I feel like my boyfriend incarnate.


End file.
